February 12, 2023

6th Sunday in Ordinary Time (A) (World Marriage Day)

The Flip Side of Anger and Lust

Msgr. Thomas Gervasio

While St. Timothy rightly tells us that “All Scripture is inspired by God and beneficial for teaching, for rebuke, for correction, for training in righteousness,” [2 Tm 3:16] today’s Gospel is hardly one I’d choose for World Marriage Day. It contains many subjects that are contrary to what we want to honor and celebrate today. Let’s take two—anger and lust—capital sins that are perilous to any relationship and indeed to marriage. But if we turn these two spiritual hazards on their heads, we find what strengthens and enriches our human relationships.

No relationship is immune from conflict. Those we love—and love deeply—do not always love us well. They can wound us and this can lead to resentment and anger. The flip side of anger is peace which is so often the fruit of forgiveness. The capacity to forgive is vital for any relationship to endure. But we know it’s not easy. We need a heavy dose of humility & courage.

In her book, Learning to Forgive, Doris Donnelly wrote, “If I forgive, I will have to surrender my grudges, the axes I have to grind with you, the scores I want to settle, and the feelings I enjoy of being superior to you who committed a fault against me. I will have to wish you well to boot.” But when this happens, she says, “ past failures and unsolved problems notwithstanding, we are actually made more lovable, more discerning, more capable of devoting ourselves to that which enriches our lives.” Anger is an enemy of the heart that must be conquered by forgiveness; realizing that the words, “I am sorry” are just as important as “I love you.”        

Our Lord speaks of lust. Bishop Sheen teaches that lust “excludes all personal consideration for the sake of sensate experience.” It objectifies a person. The flip side of lust is purity of heart, reverence, and honor. These are expressions of real love that help us see another as irreplaceable and as unique. The Catechism teaches us that they “enable us to see according to God…and perceive the human body—ours and our neighbor's, as a temple of the Holy Spirit, a manifestation of divine beauty.”

Purity of heart, reverence, and honor should be hallmarks of every relationship, especially the relationship of a husband and wife. I found a beautiful description of this kind of reverence in the liturgy booklet distributed at my friend’s wedding.

The final page of the booklet contained a text entitled “God’s Wedding Gift.” I knew my friend, the bride, inserted it since the text is the Lord speaking to a groom on his wedding day. I hasten to add that it is a message that could be addressed to a bride as well.

“The person at your side today is mine. I created her. I loved her always…before you and more than you. I did not hesitate to give my life for her. I entrust her to you. Take her hand with confidence. You met her, you found her beautiful. It was my hand that formed her beauty. It was my heart that placed tenderness and love within her. It was my wisdom that formed her emotions, intelligence, and all those qualities you found in her. But you cannot limit yourself to those attractions. You must commit yourself to responding to her needs and desires: the need for serenity, joy, affection, tenderness, contentment, fun, acceptance, dialog, fulfillment in work, and many other things.

But above all, remember that you both need me. It is I and not you who is the beginning, the end, and the goal of your whole life. Help one another to meet me in prayer, in the Word, in forgiveness, and in hope. Have faith in me. We shall love her together always. It is I who placed within you, your love for her…With the words, “I promise to love and honor you all the days of my life,” is the way of telling me that you are happy to receive her and care for her. From that moment on, ours will be a trinity of love. I shall enable you to love one another in God, gifting you with a share of love that will transform your human love and make it like unto mine. This is my wedding gift: the grace of the sacrament of marriage.”

May every married couple respond to the gift of God’s grace by their willingness to forgive and by reverence and honor they show one another!

Sources: F. Sheen: Lift Up Your Heart, NY: Image Books, 1955 p.93
Catechism of the Catholic Church #2519
D. Donnelly, Learning to Forgive NY: Macmillan Publishing Co. 1979