Who has not been hurt or wronged by the actions or words of another? We are often wounded by those we love and those who love us. Can we forgive? Some of the unhappiest people I’ve ever met are those who refuse to forgive and find themselves trapped in a world of bitterness and resentment.
If the Gospel is insistent about anything, it is the necessity to forgive. It is part of the Lord Prayer. Jesus told us, “forgive and you will be forgiven.” He also said that if we go to the temple to pray and recall a grudge we hold against another, we should leave and go first to be reconciled. Our Lord not only preached forgiveness but practiced it, most notably on Calvary and after his Resurrection.
Forgiving others is not easy. There are many reasons we don’t forgive. It could be that the pain of betrayal is deep. Perhaps we want to inflict the pain of our silence on the person who hurt us, a kind of revenge. It might not forgive because of our pride.
St. Peter was concerned about forgiveness whenhe asked, “Lord, when my brother wrongs me, how often must I forgive him, as many as seven times?” He thought he was quite generous. Our Lord doesn’t set a limit and proposes a method, a difficult and delicate art, we should apply in our effort to forgive. First, to go to the person concerned for a private one-on-one conversation. If that does not help to bring in another person, who is respected and known to both parties and perhaps even the church for supportive advice.
We cannot just go in and say: “Now look, you are all wrong, and I want to tell you something. I have to set you straight.” This approach is bound to fail. The Lord’s method requires the virtue of prudence. Prudence means approaching the person only after careful reflection and prayer, discerning what would be the right time and place, the best words to use with the proper tone. Prudence involves humility, respect, charity, and a recognition of our own faults.
However, if even these prudent efforts fail, Our Lord tells us then to treat the person as a Gentile or tax collector. What does he mean? It doesn’t mean to write off, ostracize, or abandon a person. Jesus treated Gentiles and tax collectors with mercy and compassion.
He means that we should step back but always leave the door ajar, always hopeful that peace may come. Like the Father in the parable of the prodigal son, we should be ready at the door.
The Gospel ends with Our Lord directing us to prayer. And don’t we need it when we are angry, resentful, and hurt? In this holy Mass let us pray for the courage, prudence, and love we need to forgive. We might do so in these words:
O God, whose very name is Mercy, let me see forgiveness as a gospel imperative, as a condition to be a disciple of your Son. Give me a greater understanding of his teaching on forgiveness and a deeper appreciation of his example. Replace my inclination to retaliate with mercy. When forgiveness seems impossible, may I seek your help and the help of others, remembering that forgiveness takes time. May your love guide us both to healing and peace.
